party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
