Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
