that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
