You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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