I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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