Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
