Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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