I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
