i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
