Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
