I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
