I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
