9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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