Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
only you would photoshop your dick
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
