The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
