i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
