just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
