Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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