Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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