It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
