I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you win again, gameday.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
