Can i not drive my cunt home
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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