Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
