wake up i wanna do it froggy style
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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