remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
