I got her a Nickelback box set.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
