A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
