getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
