Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
