I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
