Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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