Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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