I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
