She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
