Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
