Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
