Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
