In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
