I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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