i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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