oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
