she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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