Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
