good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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