My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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