i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
