So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
