did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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