hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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