it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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