FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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