a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
