How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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