What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
